America's big ole' bouncy titties. Yes, that's a compliment. Jessica Simpson's astounding assets are what make this country great, no matter how dumb we may come across. Where else can a citizen look at a chocolate-covered...

America's big ole' bouncy titties. Yes, that's a compliment. Jessica Simpson's astounding assets are what make this country great, no matter how dumb we may come across. Where else can a citizen look at a chocolate-covered...

Can you blame him? Maher doesn't want any trumped-up outrages, superficial investigations, partisan obstructionism or all of the stupid crap that hung over the Clinton years. All Maher is saying, is give Obama a chance. Well,...

We agree. It's been one hell of an intriguing ride that all started because "Americans were so sick of George W. Bush...they said, 'You know what sounds good?' 'A black guy with a Muslim name.'" We waded through the

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He also doesn't think Barack Obama is black enough. What do you want him to do Bill? Break into your house, steal your wallet and care EREH SAW AMABO in your face? 

And George W. Bush has a perfect record in "monstrous retarded disaster." In short, the witching hour is nigh. It's time to head to Europe for wine, cheese, healthcare and stable currency. 

Bill Maher is tired of "undecided numbskulls" asking self-serving questions at the town hall stump speeches debate. He wants to turn the events into a full-on Thunderdome Smackdown in the Octagon. Bring 'em all on and let 'em...

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said it best all those years ago, people should be judged by the content of their character, not the color of their skin. Just because a white man spent years in prison and is now aiding his white...

New Rule: Bring back a little pubic hair. Ladies, if you want to truly get to know Bill Maher, best have a fuzzy calling card, so he knows you aren't jailbait. Seems reasonable, and adult...let's go to the weather girl.

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Meanwhile, as Sarah Barracuda meets Joey the Shark, the anti-elites will be out trashing the dude on a "journey of self-discovery." You know, the snide martini-swilling guy at the country club? The one that couldn't belong to...

New Rule: Dennis Kucinich gets to present his idea for what to do with the lame duck George W. Bush days on the season premiere of American Idol. 

If you are going to steal...steal from the best. Maher declares that you just may be a redneck if you put a sign on your "house of worship" wondering if Obama and Osama are brothers. We think a bigger sign of redneckery is...

Why, you ask? Or, why this week, you ask? "Sh*tkickers voted in a retarded guy twice because they wanted to have a beer with him and the rest of us are suffering the consequences!" Well, that and the Pope needs a slip.

In this week's "New Rules," we learn a few things we never knew about old Billy Boy. He reveals personal items such as: he'll drink his Jack Daniels out of a Spongebob cup at kiddie bashes, he won't take health advice from...

Quoth Bill about the internet, "it enables pompous blowhards to connect with other pompous blowhards in a vast circle jerk of pomposity." He's not talking about the Daily Tube, right...right?