No, not the album that enraptured David Letterman this holiday season, but rather Burress's genius move of shooting himself in the thigh with an unlicensed firearm while wearing sweatpants at a nightclub. It's the gift that

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We disagree with Joe and the angry dude at the end of the bar. Any New Year's Eve that involves French-kissing your Mom like a ferret, busting up a toilet peeing like a girl, barfing in the lasagna and violating a resolution...

With less than two weeks to go, we look back at "The Word" from December 2005. The phrase-in-chief that night was "Lombardi," as in the Hall-of-Fame coach of the Green Bay Packers, a renowned hard-driving, no-bullspit leader...

Well now, here's some good news to warm the cold dark winter. Tek Jansen is back! He's ready to use his amazing powers of mimicry and sexy fight noises to free a race of what appear to be space-age Shmoos. Lil' Abner will be

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So it would seem that CNN hosted a "Puppedential Debate," in which Anderson Cooper asked questions to dogs and smelled them for dander. In a related story, Edward R. Murrow rose from the dead, put a gun in his mouth and blew...

2009 is the year of hope and change.

And already, we've seen the latest Middle East war front shift from Afghanistan and Iraq to Gaza, which has become "an intractably bloody Three's Company episode." 

We're headed back to

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Can you imagine that in 2000 people were thinking that George Bush's youthful cocaine usage was an important issue? We'd trade eight years of nightly rails off of Jenna Jameson's ass for one less day of the Iraq War. 

H

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Fifteen days and counting, fifteen days and counting, fifteen days and counting....

You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not shout, we're telling you why...Screw it, in this economy Mr. Claus himself is weeping into Rudolph's water bowl. 

Last year really was a worldwide d*ckfest, wasn't it? No? Well, it still gave us Sarah Palin and that's enough for love. We'll give it a shot! Woah! We're halfway there...

We know you're thinking, "so I missed a few Lettermans over the holidays. What's the big deal?" How about this for starters: Dustin Hoffman talks about soaking cork. Yeah, welcome to 2009!

OMG! Have you heard that Sarah Silverman is fu*king Matt Damon? You know who told us, Matt fu*king Damon! After having last year's #1 Daily Tube video, one thing is clear, Kimmel and Damon make a hell of a lot better team...

On Oscar night, Kimmel got his filthy homoerotic revenge on Silverman & Damon for their sexual shenanigans by letting the world know he's "fu*king Ben Affleck." This wasn't the simple raunchy ditty Matt and Sarah put out. No,...

And does a fairly decent job, much better than your garden variety Congressperson anyway. Nobody will ever top the subversive genius of Stephen Colbert, but Ferguson gets in some good jabs in his Scottish brogue. He's...

Talk about your Big Brown! But seriously, we kid the Belmont Stakes. Or rather, our favorite insult comic dog does. Nobody is spared, from fat guys in bad ties to little guys in shiny silks to the local Long Island singer guy...